Published: 28/06/2010 by The Moomie Blog and Forum

If I was given an opportunity to live my life all over again, would I change anything about what I have and don’t have now?

I am a single mother of 2 lovely children, and like most women I didn’t become a single mother by choice. My marriage ended when my son was 2 years old and I was 2 months pregnant with my daughter. When my daughter’s life was put at risk by my abusive husband, I decided to walk away; leaving behind everything I treasured and loved. It all didn’t matter, as long as I had my son and soon-to-be-born daughter.

Even though I was relieved that I was finally free, life became so difficult sometimes it seemed to be easier to just go back. At least when I was with him I had a beautiful house, I could drive my son to crèche, I had money, I didn’t have to worry where our next meal would come from. Even though I was miserable and scared, my son was so happy, he was free from his father’s outbursts and violent attacks, his infectious laugh gave me hope.

Single pregnant women can attest to the fact that single pregnancy is not easy. When you are all alone and pregnant, there’s no sharing baby’s kicks, nobody cares how much weight you’ve gained, you go to scans all alone. When I was pregnant, I didn’t even have cravings, probably because I was too preoccupied, and even when I did crave something, there was no money for indulgence.

The growing bump was a painful reminder of what was to come. I earned a miserable salary, half of which went towards rent. The balance went to greedy lawyers, my sons’ crèche, transport, and food, which was not always enough. By 7 months I had not even bought a single item of clothing for my soon-to-be born baby. My ex never assisted us financially, and he further made me lose a lot of money by dragging me to court for a custody case.

In the midst of all the heartache, anger and frustrations, the love for my children kept me going. On days when it was raining and I had to carry my son on my back, my daughter in my tummy, an umbrella with one hand and our bags on the other, it all seemed like an adventure by my boy who would sing for me, tell me stories and make me laugh. On days that I could barely walk due to pelvic bone pain, caused by all the weight and strenuous walking, feeling my baby’s movements every night made it all worth it.

When I finally gave birth to my daughter, barely a few days after I had managed to get my hospital bag in order, when I held her in my arms, all the anger and bitterness vanished. And for the first time in many months, I broke down and cried. That day I knew that everything would be all right. I and my angels were going to be just fine.

As it turned out now, 2 years later, we are perfectly fine. We still struggle sometimes but I have no worries about their well-being. They are healthy and happy. I love being a mother, single or otherwise and I couldn’t imagine what life was like before they came along. There are no regrets, and if this is what I had to go through to have them, then I believe it was all worth it.

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